In honour of John Hegley, who is appearing in Cleethorpes & Grimsby this month, here is my favourite Hegley poem (and also happens to be my mum’s favourite Hegley poem too, perhaps one of her favourite poems EVER and we both know it off by heart and recite it to each other sometimes and then laugh like drains:

Pat

I said Pat

you are fat

and you are cataclysmically desirable

and to think I used to think

that slim was where it’s at

well not any more Pat

you’ve changed that

you love yourself

you flatter yourself

you shatter their narrow image of the erotic

and Pat said

what do you mean FAT?

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